Golden Wattle Stories, Dreams, and Poems

Not being accepted is a big fear of mine. It's a big thing to me. I'm not "normal". Apparently some people can't handle that. I'm disabled with anxiety. And I'm really introverted. But at the same time I want to connect with others and be friendly. It's so scary to tell the truth about yourself. Yeah, I am afraid of not being normal and what people think about me.

A positive idea on ageing is why do people have to be stereotyped at any age and put in a box? Why can't people be and identify as youthful at any age?  Sending love out there!

Picnics at beautiful places in nature is a wonderful free or cheap activity. Here's some ideas of activities to do on picnics.  *Read magazines or magazines from the library  *Read a book - your own or from the library *Read an ebook or audiobooks for free from the online library on your phone or tablet *Play board games  *Do colouring in colouring books  *Make art  *Play an instrument *Sing *Do journalling *Ask getting to know you questions found online  *Do craft *Paint stones  *Write poetry  *Just relax and listen to nature  *Just talk with your picnic buddy  *Look around on your phone  *Play games on your phone or tablet  *Play multiplayer games with your picnic buddy on your phone or tablet  *Listen to meditations from YouTube on your phone  *Listen to podcasts  *Read a book or ebook aloud  *Read poetry that you find online aloud  *Read jokes that you find online aloud

I feel like I'm not seen  I feel invisible I don't feel special and loved enough  Sometimes I want to do something more exciting with my life and worry I'm missing out on a better path in life  I have so much potential I know because I built a following online in the past and almost became an influencer  Sometimes I want to do more with my singing cause I love singing and being creative with my singing and it's something I'm talented at but I don't feel safe putting myself out there online as I'm scared of strangers and people that could be out there. 

Last night I dreamed that I was in a city and saw people bunji jumping off the top of buildings. There was also a beautiful stream and piece of nature in the middle of the city that I wanted to explore and a group of chickens.  I was also in a tall building and climbing up a pulley or a rope to get higher in the building instead of using the stairs or lift.  I also remember sending a lot of quality time with my niece. 

I dreamed I was living at my passed Grandma's house with my housemates. I was planning to tell my housemates did you know my grandma used to live here. I got in trouble from my housemate Erica for drinking some of my housemates juice and said sorry and that I'd pay her back. I remember seeing my long passed family dog Soxie at my grandma's house running around near the door. I felt overwhelmed with love and hugged her and was grabbing her telling her how much I love her. Then I saw my grandma by the door. I could see her but my mum couldn't and I told my mum I could see my grandma and what my grandma was saying. (I can't remember what she said, something about lots of people outside taking photos of her). 

I dreamed I saw Shawn Mendes at some sort of event or festival. He was nearby looking for a seat and I waved to him. He was so busy and popular as usual. Amazingly he ended up sitting near me. We were on this sort of train moving through the festival and somehow Shawn ended up sitting next to me. We were chatting a little bit, him asking me about what Shawns plans were at the festival. Eventually the train came to Camilla Cabellos tent where she was doing comedy. I wanted to emotionally support Shawn. Suddenly Camilla appeared and was angry at me talking loudly to me, "are you with him? Well get him up and take care of him" something like that. I was so embarassed but also felt so important that Shawn liked me so much and felt like my dreams were coming true, Shawn wanted to actually be in my life. I was stumbling around trying to get my shoes on and some ladies were trying to help me and I was telling them "I can't help falling in love with some people but I'd n...

Last night I dreamed my friend Brydie came over to my house. It was such a happy dream. I told my mum about her. Brydie at my house said she had to leave for awhile, maybe to go to work, but that she would come back to my house straight after. 

Last night I dreamed I was in a house and was being chased, the only way out was to fall off the back deck a long distance to the ground. Somehow, Olly Alexander and his years and years bandmates caught me and saved my life.  In this dream I also found out Olly had always lived a couple streets away from my childhood house and I'd never known about it.  I also remember going for a walk around the neighbourhood and picking some pretty flowers from people's gardens. In my dream I had no fear of walking by myself and felt safe and like it was normal. 

Last night I dreamed I won a competition with Shawn Mendes to date him and also won a party house that he gave me in this place where it was always a party cause his fans where there and Shawn Mendes was there. I remember dancing near Shawn with all these girls. I also dreamed I was walking through this outdoor area with lots of trees and walked past the band thundamentals and some of their fans. They recognised me and I think invited me to hang out with them in a friendly way but I kept walking saying I was going to a Shawn Mendes concert and I was walking across this huge bridge. 

Disabled Because my life doesn't matter  And doesn't mean anything at all  Even more so if it's mental  No, I'm not a person as much as anyone else  Just a problem, just in the way  A problem that can be fixed  But only if anyone cares  Just judge me, I don't mind  Just don't accept me, I don't mind  Just look into each of their lives and you'll find  A person. 

Last night I had lots of strange dreams but one nice one was a romantic dream with Shawn Mendes. He was cuddling me from behind on a balcony type place, kissing me, and he held my arm with his hand....

Last night I had lots of strange dreams but in one dream I was at my mum's house walking through looking around the house and my mum had a nice new dining set which was an old one that my cousins daughter had and gave to my mum. My mum's house was also repaired or renovated a little bit. 

Last night I dreamed I was walking around the streets in the city and saw so much new beautiful art. There was a statue of me in the city and I'd become some sort of hero. I'd become a hero for helping people overcome anxiety or making people feel safe at night.  I also remember meeting Shawn Mendes because I had a YouTube channel or I'd done something important and he was really happy with me or proud of me. 

Last night I dreamed I was at a gigantic Shawn Mendes Concert with Shawn Mendes and also dreamed he was helping me walk along this rock ledge.  I also dreamed I was at a shopping centre with my friend Nicole and her family, I was just spending time with her 2 or 3 children and bonding with them as they were playing.  I also dreamed of going shopping and getting lost from who I was with and had to walk from the shopping centre to someone's house for assistance. I dreamed also I was catching the bus and forgot my stop and had to get off at the next stop which luckily wasn't too far from my destination. I also dreamed I was at my grandma's house with my mum. 

I don't know where I'm going in life  Just perfectly imperfectly somewhere  I'm perfectly imperfect  And atleast I have love  And I can achieve things  I don't have to be perfect  I can just be uniquely me 

I need love  Love to get me through the day  I need love  Love, love in every way  I need love  Love of my heart and soul  I need love  So much love it's told  I need love  To ease all my tears  I need love  To accept my fears  I need love  Every night and day  I need love  To keep loneliness away 

Lots of people in the world have all sorts of different beliefs.  And I want to think and believe freely. 

I dreamed I was living at my old house and the yard got completely renovated and updated and modernized. There was new lawn, a new fence, new gardens around the edge of the fence with trendy new plants. Apparently my dad had just had to move the bird aviary. And there was a new toilet and bathroom at the back of the garden that had a door that led to a walk through area behind the property. I also noticed a big tree near the house was dieing as the leaves were turning brown and it needed watering.  I also remember messaging a friend about my cat kitty saying she wasn't allowed outside but maybe I'll buy her a new toy. 

Last night I had so many random dreams.  I dreamed I had just become a teacher to some children and teenagers and the teenagers kept arguing with me and my friends and being so difficult. I also dreamed we saw these great sculptures in the sky made out of clouds that kept changing into different sculptures.  I also dreamed I went to these beautiful churches that had been transformed into healing crystal places that ran workshops.  I also dreamed I was trying to find somewhere else to live and was inspecting this room in this home. It was a really big room with a lounge area and bedroom in one and had a big balcony overlooking the ocean which looked so beautiful in greenish blue colours. I was testing the cd player by playing a Shawn Mendes cd.  I also dreamed I was at this place with a friend and there were thousands of these little insects on the ground that looked like they had 2 little red berries as part of them while they were among all these little red berries ...